Guest Blogger: Morgan McGraw-Heyn
Let’s face the facts: Life is hard.
However, that’s okay though, because of God, right? To some, yes. To me, not always. Throughout college, I had a hard time keeping the faith.
To get started off, I felt as if God dealt me a really bad hand; I lived a pretty good life until I was in sixth grade and my life took a complete 180 degree turn. My parents were getting divorced and this is right about the time I started realizing I was gay. Born and raised Catholic and I’m gay? Shit. I tried for a long time to “pray the gay away” (doesn’t work, sorry fam) so I couldn’t “hurt” the family more than what we were already dealing with.
Journey to Accept Myself
Over the course of middle school and high school, it was a long and excruciating road to accept myself. I truthfully, didn’t start to until my first semester in college at the amazing Michigan State University (Go Green!) When I first got to college, I decided it was my time to be who I wanted and to stop living for my parents; I wanted to embrace my identity and completely forget about this God that I felt, abandoned me for my whole life. I soon turned to alcohol and friends to fulfill this empty feeling I had felt ever since the sixth grade.
However, in the course of trying to fulfill this empty feeling, I completely felt as thought I had hit my rock bottom.
Prayer is Powerful: The Turning Point
For the first time in a year, I decided to pray and I asked God to show me in the biggest way possible that I am here for a reason. Not even ten minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I quickly got up from my desk, wiped the tears off my face, cleaned up the puddle on my desk, and ran to open the door. Two girls were standing in the doorway asking if they could come in to just chat for a bit.
Was this normal in college? Whatever.
I let them in and they started talking about God and I was in such disbelief because I knew right away that it was the sign from God that I asked for. These girls were a part of a Christian organization on campus called Cru and they invited me along on Tuesday nights for Bible Study and then worship every Thursday night. I figured I would give it a shot and give God another chance.
Since that day, I went to every Bible Study and worship every day and the best part; I fell madly in love with my life. I have met the most amazing people that I now call family and have learned so much about myself. It was not until Spring Retreat that I decided to accept Christ back into my life. I opened my heart and tore down walls for the first time in years and I had never felt so much joy before.
Keep the Faith
No matter where you are spiritually, mentally or even physically in life, God is always there.
Looking back now when I thought he was missing all of those years, he most definitely was there. No matter who you are, what gender, what skin color, or sexual orientation you are, God loves you as much just as much as the person next to you. You are his beautiful creation and he makes no mistakes.
Accepting yourself is one of the hardest journeys a person can take but one thing is clear, God has accepted you from the beginning. Take the step to stop listening to what others think and enjoy your journey on Earth and prepare for the next one.
There is no greater power in the world than Our Creator and no one who could love you more. Without him, I was lost, hurt, empty and felt worthless and with him, I am loved, whole, happy, found and joyful. I am just one of many that have a strong testimonial of learning to accept myself and God.
If you open your heart, you will be able to feel this way, too. After all, He is the only constant thing in your life, always was and always will be. All the time, God is good.
