To some up my life, its a bunch of awkward moments rolled into one. I wouldn’t say I am awkward by any means, I would say that I just continue to be in the right place at the right time to experience so many things.

Take the picture on the top of this article..notice anything …me and a bunch of guy friends.

Since grade school, I was part tom boy/part girly girly. I wanted to play soccer with the boys, but wear a dress like all the other girls. I was awkward in the sense of body type, new glasses and learning what breast, periods and having crushes meant. Throughout this process I never understand why I couldn’t stay the night at the all boys parties I was invited to or why I wasn’t allowed to play sports with them anymore during recess…and from there it continued to make sense as to why. However, throughout every part of my life I have always had the circle of guy friends. We do everything together, I talk to them about a ton of things and continue to watch as they put me through awkward moments. I always thought of myself as the person who just didn’t care and as I grew up I continued with that motto.

As I have gotten older, as much as things have changed—–one has remained the complete same. I am the friend. The girl that all guys continue to be friends with. Nothing wrong with that, in fact I love these guys. Everyone always joked that I am the friend and I guess I just always went with it because again, I just didn’t care.

Recently, I came across an article the other day. I saw the title and it read “17 Awkward Things That Happen When You’re The ‘Chill Girl’” and I started laughing thinking watch this article is going to explain my life. Sure enough as I started to read it everything clicked. I stopped dead in my tracks and realized…… I am the “chill girl”.

Now my guy friends may have different names for me as they are always the ones to remind me of my flaws and always reminding me what I need to work on. However, I realized how much I hold back as a woman. I hold back emotions, acting as though I don’t care and always putting others first. I am always so chill about so many things, because well honestly I normally don’t care or…. more so I don’t want to deal with my own emotions.

If you don’t know what the chill girl is, I have learned, its something most girls want to be…..until….

They watch the guy they love date someone else because the chill girl was to scared to say how she felt

Or its the time where they went beer for beer with the guys because they wanted to prove something, only to be puking after oh I don’t know… 6!

Its that time when each one came to you about a new girl, you listened then eventually met her and she knew you as your nickname as the friend.

Its the time when you tried to played hard to get but instead pushed everyone away because that’s what you thought hard to get meant. 

So once I read the article I knew I probably wasn’t alone and more often times than not I thought about how much I wanted to change this about myself in some instances not all. I couldn’t imagine not having the guys in my life but I did realize chill girls hold their feelings in and more than once I have watched the guy I like date someone else because I couldn’t speak up or because of the aspect of dating the chill girl was baffling to anyone.

So to all the women that are about to find out they are the chill girl just know you are beautiful and your awkward stories you have encounter have made you the amazing person you are.

Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard the news: Being the chill girl is all the rage lately. (And “You have no chill” is the worst insult.)

You can be the chill girl or the crazy girl, and there’s really no in-between. And since being called “crazy” by your peers does not seem like the best option here (though girls can do literally anything and come off as crazy, but I digress), I assume most girls try to shoot for being chill.

Who is the chill girl? You know who she is. She’s the girl who’s outside chugging the beer with all the guys. She’s the one who’s totally fine with the casual, no-strings-attached hook-up buddy. In fact, she prefers it! She’s that girl who’s more than happy to just go with the flow and let life take her where it may.

Now, here’s the deal: I’m lazy and, to be honest, not a huge fan of confrontation or any sort of super aggressive behavior. So in the whole crazy-chill battle, I often find myself falling under the umbrella of chill.

But what people don’t tell you when they paint a glamorized picture of the chill girl is how f*cking awkward her life really is.

For every wild story about her wild antics that the crazy girl has to share, the chill girl will have just as many of the awkward situations that her passive-to-a-fault behavior has gotten her into.

BEING CHILL IS AWKWARD. Why? Because real, honest, normal social interactions don’t work so well when one of the parties is too chill to make them happen. Like, nobody is going to know you have feelings for him or her until you, I don’t know, SAY it. If that part never happens, you can imagine how things get awkward.

Or how about when you were too chill to remember to respond to your friend’s text, and she thought you were mad at her? OR the classic time you decided you were chill enough to drink with the boys — but then remembered (the hard way) that you are, in fact, a 90-pound girl?!

You get the picture. Being chill is awkward. Don’t believe me? Read for yourself.

1. When you tried to shotgun the beer…

…and it ended up coming out of your nose.

2. When you ended up in the “casual” relationship..

…because he assumed that’s what you wanted.

3. When you found yourself hanging with your ex and his new girlfriend…

…because, DUH, you can be friends with them! Right?

4. When you went to absurd lengths to prove to the guy you liked that you had no feelings for him…

…because you’re not the kind of girl who catches feelings, right?

5. When you tried to take the massive bong rip…

…and ended up coughing everywhere.

6. When you were just “friends” with the love of your life…

…and slightly wanted to die every time the two of you platonically hung out.

7. When you had a full-fledged panic attack at the thought of your text coming off as un-chill…

…you know, one of those very chill, breathing-in-and-out-of-a-paper-bag situations because you accidentally sent the “I love you SO SO SO SO much” text meant for your mom to your co-worker, who actually thinks you’re cool.

8. When you got stuck hanging out with the person who annoyed the sh*t out of you…

…because you didn’t care enough to be like “No, f*ck off.”

9. When you waited too long to shoot the friend request…

…and now it’s been awkwardly too long and it’s weird that you guys aren’t friends.

10. When you waited too long to say how you felt…

…because you thought you had all the time in the world. But now it’s been a year, and he’s over it, and it’s just so awkward you can’t even handle it.

11. When you picked the coolest song at karaoke…

…but then realized you don’t quite know the words or the melody to “So Fresh, So Clean” quite as well as you thought.

12. When you played hard-to-get with your crush…

…and you just ended up being a giant b*tch.

13. When you told your friend you weren’t into your crush…

…so she ended up hooking up with him.

14. When you hooked up with mediocre boys…

…and they still were the ones to end it, because you were too chill to bother.

15. When you tried to take a shot with the boys…

…and ended up having the world’s most brutal blackout.

16. When people thought you were being passive-aggressive…

…but they didn’t realize that you really legitimately are just passive.

17. When you showed even the slightest sign of emotion…

…and everyone lost their sh*t, because YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHILL ONE!