Written By Contributor Writer Monique Muro
Before you go into a rage over the rude barista at Starbucks, who not only got your drink wrong, but gave you attitude when she had to remake it, remember, there are better ways to deal with difficult people than by flying off the handle.
Below are eight things to keep in mind when dealing with people who are mean, difficult, or unrelenting.
1. They Can’t Physically Touch You.
Anger can affect us in a lot of physical ways, but only if we allow it to. The best medicine for dealing with narcissistic or overly dramatic people is remembering they can’t physically touch the inner you that makes you feel angry. They’re not physically doing anything to your insides, or to your emotions, it’s actually you that’s turning it into something upsetting. Which of course, is hard not to do, but it does help to show you that you have some sort of control over the way the words are affecting you. Don’t let them turn your body into a punching bag.
2. They Were 2-Years-Old Once.
You literally can’t hate a two year old. It’s impossible. You can be annoyed by their constant barrage of questions, but to literally hate a two-year-old face is pretty difficult. They’re so lovable. We speak to them simply. We don’t unleash on them. We hold their little hands and walk them across the street and we protect them. We even feel a bit sorry for them because they can’t understand why they can’t swallow sand or stick vegetables up their noses. Seeing people who upset you as adorable two-year-olds (we were all that age once after all) helps you remember their adorableness, and makes it harder to be angry at them in general.
3. They Will Be 92 Someday.
In the same way you imagine difficult people as cute toddlers, imagine them at 92, having just come from hip replacement surgery. They’re feeble, vulnerable, and coming close to the end of their life journey. They remind you of your grandparents, they’re cute, they’re knowledgeable, and you have respect for the things they’ve seen and been through. When you think of difficult people this way, you become more patient with them. You’re more open to what they have to say, and you really listen to them, versus immediately wanting to go off on them every time they open their mouth. Set aside your own agenda, and listen to what they have to say.
4. You’re a Mote of Dust.
Astronomer and author Carl Sagan is famous for many things, but he’s also known for pointing out that our planet is ‘a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam’ viewed from 3.7 billion miles away. Looking at the earth from this distance, you can’t help but try to imagine how inescapably small we are, which makes you wonder, does this person pissing me off right now realize that their harsh words have literally no substance, given that we are basically mites living on a giant dust speck, hanging out in a sunbeam? Do they have any idea how small and insignificant they are? Don’t they realize the sun is going to supernova and destroy the earth billions of years from now, anyway?
This should help you relax a bit before taking things that other people say so seriously. We are all the same beautiful speck of dust as far as the universe is concerned, and no matter what this person is doing to upset you, it won’t change the fact that we are infinitesimally small, and by default, so are many of our problems.
5. You’re Actually Dealing With Their Problems.
Whatever this person is doing to make your life miserable is usually their way of not wanting to confront their own issues. A lot of times people react as a result of their own fear and insecurity. They’ll lash out or place blame on other people, and try to disguise their problems as your problems, which gets confusing and can lead to a lot of pissed off people.
Of course, it’s not your job to tell them that what’s really going on is that they’re insane, but it is one way that you can make a bitter situation better, knowing that the reason they’re pissed off at you isn’t entirely your fault.
6. They’re Actually Helping You Rise to Greatness.
When you’re dealing with someone who is frustrating you on an astronomical level, always remember this feeling and use it when you need it. Think about how worked up they’ve gotten you. You’re at a point where you’re so frustrated, you could run a marathon if you needed to. You feel like you could take on the world because you’ve got so much angst inside. This is the feeling you want to remember the next time you’re forced to do something that scares you, or requires a great amount of motivation. It will help you progress. In fact, imagine the face of the person that was mean to you as you work towards your goals each day. Use them to help you rise to greatness, and to be the best version of yourself possible.
7. They Have No Power.
Whatever people have done or said to you in this one moment, remember, they have no power over the other moments in your day unless you give it to them. Don’t bring them into the car with you after you leave. Don’t carry them into the house. Don’t drop them onto your dinner table. They’re heavy, and they don’t belong anywhere else other than where you left them. The present moment is sacred and awesome. You’ve gotten upset, and that’s great, but 4 hours later they’re likely not thinking about you, and the moment has completely vanished. Do yourself a favor and enjoy the rest of the day.
8. Nothing Lasts Forever.
Charlie Chaplin said “Nothing lasts forever, not even our troubles”, and he’s right. Trust that the anger you’re feeling will pass, no matter how cliche it sounds. In time, you won’t give a lick about this one thing that this person did to piss you off. You probably won’t even remember it, and if you do, it certainly won’t have the bristling effect it has on you today. Take solace in that. Put yourself in a situation far into the future, where you’re so far removed from what just upset you, that you can’t even really remember it. That future of yours is coming, and it doesn’t have to be filled with people who pissed you off 2 months ago. You might as well put yourself in that bright, futuristic mindset so your body and mind can heal a bit quicker from whatever diss or betrayal you’re feeling now.
On the whole, it’s like Tony Robbins says–don’t major in minor things. This is your life. Ultimately, you are the one in charge of whether bad circumstances slide off your shoulders or devour you whole.
