One of the biggest fears in life is fear of rejection.
Sometimes rejection happens early in life, with our parents. My parents were less than attentive and emotionally and physically abusive. Then I got married at age 20, and my husband was attentive to others besides me. That marriage ended after I confronted my then husband about the affair. In turn, he held me and our children hostage for more than three hours. From an early age rejection was all I knew.
When my first marriage ended I was afraid of getting into another relationship. I did not date for more than two years because I was afraid of being rejected again. I feared intimacy. I was wounded and rejected by the very people who gave me life and who I gave my heart to. Plus, looking back now, taking that time to work on loving myself was the best thing I could do.
Feeling Incapable of Love
When rejection happens we feel incapable of loving or being loved. Sometimes we react by doing the rejecting first. I did that when I met my new husband. I pushed him away. When I finally started believing I was worthy of this experience, my life changed for the better.
I let down my guard and became open to love. In doing so, I got another opportunity at marriage and the opportunity to marry my soulmate.
It Takes Self-Work and Self-Love
Accepting this new opportunity took self-work. The self-work I do is part of my routine. I meditate. It has helped me do soul searching. I look at myself and take ownership of what life hands me and what I wanted my life to be. When I have a fear I look at the root of the fear and dissect it. Is it real? Is there a real security/safety reason to be afraid? If so, address it. If not, move beyond!
What Do You Fear?
Look inside yourself. When you have a fear, look at the root of the fear, what do you see? I am certain you can list people and reason regarding past abuse in relationships or past rejection. If it is rooted from an abusive situation, then acknowledge the abuse and take ownership of your life and find safety and security immediately. But if the abuse is in the past or it is rooted in a rejection, you can move beyond that too. Why stay in that situation and live without peace and in constant scrutiny? Why live with the ‘what-ifs’? — What if the other person starts treating me better? What if they decide they want me back? What-ifs serve zero purpose.
What is Fear?
As for any fear, if you truly look at the root of your fear, you will find nothing. Fear is a label, like shame or guilt.
Fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real. If we believe something, we own it and it becomes part of our core beliefs. Would you rather own and believe you are nothing and not worthy of love? Or would you rather own that you are an amazing, capable and loving human being and that you deserve only the best in life?
Regarding rejection, know that you are in control of you. And you control how you react to anything, even rejection. But how to you combat the hurt and heal the wounds that living with fear and fearing rejection cause? One thing that helps me is positive self-talk. Positive self-talk helps achieve peace. I start each day with affirmations. “I am happy. I am healthy. I am here.” I also use other affirmations when I feel down or rejected:
“I am worthy. “
“I love and approve of myself.”
“I am the best me I can be.”
There is truly no reason to fear rejection. Being rejected really means you get another opportunity to venture down a path to something better. A chance at an opportunity you likely did not realize was on the path of your journey. All you can do is put your best effort forth each day and TRY! TRY – Take Responsibility Yourself. Remember: you can only control yourself and your thoughts and your emotions, no one else’s. When you learn to take control of your life and live in love by practice love daily, you will see your fears do not have roots. You will experience a life that is rooted in love. All fears are merely a forgotten weed that can never blossom because you blossom in love and peace!
Always live the life you deserve!
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